American Vespucci

First of all I’m from Brooklyn, so
I’ll kill you.
Secondly, I’m from Long Island, so…
I’m funny as fuck.
And, I’m Korean, so
I am incorrigible.

And, I’m American, so
I fuckin’ celebrate Columbus Day.

What about Vespucci???
What about Amerigo Vespucci??

We don’t celebrate him?

Fuck, the whole fucking hemisphere’s named for him.

And we’re too good for that?

See, as a New Yorker,
I always expect
And plan for the worst.
Then I expect ten times worse than that.

So for me,
I eat shit like that for breakfast.

There, I said it.
You know where you heard
That one before, right?

In the long run, that’s no way to live.

I’m not trying to be cool.
I’m trying to be real,
Which is what New Yorkers do.

Not anymore,
because we are being eaten from within
By these out-of-towners.
And their fancy hip-“star”-dom

The kind of people who would normally
be kept in check
By beat downs back in the day.

You know what kind of people are not cool?

Cool people.

Cool people are losers.

And losers are losers.

Vespucci was not cool enough

So maybe he’s not a loser

One day he will get his respect

For being the name of half the fucking world.

–Eorin Yang